every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
