I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
