beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
