I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
