Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
