i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
