I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
