The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize