you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I believe in your delicious
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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