White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
