I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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