If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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