so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
