Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
