She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
