roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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