Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
