Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
