No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you had me at cake vodka
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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