Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
