3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
