she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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