i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
