He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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