I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
