Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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