I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My feet surprised me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
