party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
