he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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