i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
