I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize