Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
