so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
