Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
