I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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