if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
