how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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