a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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