some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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