Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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