Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
