I'm eating all of the evidence.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
