He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
