I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
