Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
