i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
