I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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