Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize