So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
