Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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