Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize