You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
