did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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