spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
