so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
