The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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