he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize