Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
