Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
