yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
