i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
