fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
