Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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