I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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