don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
