so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
