Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how can u be prego again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
