Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize