i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
