He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
