do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
