So drunk its hurt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
