her vagine was all disorganized.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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