I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
