I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize