she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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