I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
