Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
