im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
