What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize