You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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