garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think my fart just growled at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
