You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
