Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
