I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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