I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
