My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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