It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There's even glitter on my cock...
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