Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
