wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
