She's JV to your varsity
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
