I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize