So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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