On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
