there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
