Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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