I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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