I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
