I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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