Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
