Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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