i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I believe in your delicious
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
