he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I could fuck to npr.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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